DAY 3 – TUESDAY
It’s interesting that just when you think you have it all together, God brings your attention to an area in your life that is devouring you from the inside out. For me, pride was like a full grown tree and I, the garden. For quite some time this tree was growing undetected. Then it was detected yet unaddressed because I liked the look of it and most things that come with it. Pride gives off a look of beauty and attraction, but the closer you get the more you realise that this tree is actually toxic. It kills the trees around it.. So, in a weak attempt to rid myself of it, I cut down the tree of pride. In time it grew back with vengeance.
Let’s face it, society today sees pride as something to be attained. It is encouraged and sought after, not just by unbelievers but believers as well. Many are attracted to the attention it brings. . Some use it to protect themselves from being hurt. Others use pride to fill the emptiness in their hearts.. Whatever the reasoning for the dependency of pride, the Bible clearly states that it is something that needs to be addressed. . .
“Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”
Tuesday night God opened my eyes to see the level of brokenness that was in the depths of my heart due to arrogance and pride. He revealed to me how far gone I was and showed me how my pride was beginning to build a wall between He and I. He showed me times when I acted in a way that did not glorify Him, due to me feeling as if I was entitled and other times because I wanted to.
God revealed to me the root of my pride and told me to address it by facing the memories and surrendering it all to Him.
So I asked Him, what is the root?
The root was the many years of feeling oppressed and silenced. The years of holding in the secret of how my life was falling apart because of sexual abuse. I hated it. Some of us who have experienced abusive situations tend to be a bit rough around the edges. I was hateful and aggressive. I took on pride as a cloak, well, more like rose gold armour so that I could feel as if I was whole and I was worth something. All because I was robbed of the one thing in my life that was mine. . My innocence was gone so how can I have control? I felt like I had to fight anything and anyone that got too close. I just wanted to be right. I needed to be reminded, and at times I still need to be reminded, that what happened to me was not my fault. For me this manifested itself in me having the desire to be right. When people disagreed with me, I felt like I was being attacked. I allowed that to seep into everything in my life and I was drowning.
Then Jesus came in and reminded me that He is mine and I am His, and that this is not mine to have. That I don’t have to dress myself in the armour of pride and fight the powerful current of the ocean of pain and grief. I can rise above it all and walk upon the waters with Him . .
So, I surrendered and I wept. I chose to leave pride behind me. . Does this mean I am no longer battling this? No, but I made the choice to press in and seek after what God has for me. . I can’t say I will never fall victim to pride again, but I will do my best to not allow it to become my armour again.
My prayer for you today Beloved is that you will allow God to help you humble yourself, so that He does not have to humble you. That if prideful, He will reveal it to you and bring you to a place of detesting pridefulness. I pray that you are able to wear humility like a cloak and that you will come to know the beauty of finding your confidence in Him and Him alone.