My First Love

Psalm 63:1-8 

1 O God, You are my God; with deepest longing, I will seek You;
My [a]soul [my life, my very self] thirsts for You, my flesh longs and sighs for You,
In a dry and weary land where there is no water.
So I have gazed upon You in the sanctuary,
To see Your power and Your glory.
Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,
My lips shall praise You.
So will I bless You as long as I live;
I will lift up my hands in Your name.
My [b]soul [my life, my very self] is satisfied as with marrow and fatness,
And my mouth offers praises [to You] with joyful lips.

When I remember You on my bed,
I meditate and thoughtfully focus on You in the night watches,
For You have been my help,
And in the shadow of Your wings [where I am always protected], I sing for joy.
My [c]soul [my life, my very self] clings to You;
Your right hand upholds me.


Today as I laid in bed I felt the stresses of life begin to ooze from my pores. For the first time in a few weeks I truly felt alone… The past few weeks left me caught up in the busyness of life. I came to a point where I even wondered with all the “good” that I do for God… Do I truly, truly want God as much as I used to? At first, it didn’t feel that way. I felt numb and confused. I started to comb through my thoughts and wondered if God truly was my heart’s cry. To be frank, these past few weeks have been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. I have been on a journey of walking through healing from some very difficult situations that arose and memories from the past. Also, releasing my story  (click for video) was really taxing on me emotionally.  My heart was tired and emotionally I’ve been drained.

I imagine God was on His knees digging into the depths of my heart dredging up and unveiling my eyes to the million and one areas in which abuse was still holding me captive. So much so that I was facing off with depression and anxiety.

I fought night in and night out hand in hand with God to not become a prisoner to the things that have plagued me for many years. The more I combed through the emotions was the more I was able to see that my heart longs for God more than anything… I took a moment and gazed upon the majesty of who He is. I can’t help but remember the things of old. The stillness that came with this moment of reflection allowed for me to hear the silent cries of a heart that so desperately longs for God; A heart that clings to the beauty of who He is; A heart that clings to love itself…  A love that I will never be separated from… 

(Romans 8:38) 38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

My prayer for you Beloved ones is that you come to remember your first love…. That God will awaken your heart and bring to remembrance the goodness of His love and the things He has delivered you from. I pray for the revival of your heart and that you will remember your first love.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. God is love, Love is God. Very well written!

    1. Thank you !

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