Oh the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights ’til I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine
I couldn’t earn it
I don’t deserve it
Still You give yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God

The past few months have been a journey of God unearthing the root of all of my insecurities. Coupled with this, I’ve been struggling with the way I view myself. So there I was a week ago, sitting at my desk, mind cluttered with a million and one reasons why I am not good enough and with the many mistakes I’ve made. I found myself saying, “God what is wrong with me! I am so stupid!!”. I could barely get the last words out when I received a sharp rebuke from the Lord. He said, “Do I speak to you like this?” a bit surprised but knowing exactly where He was going with this I honestly said “No.” He responded with, “Then what gives you the right to speak to yourself that way?”. The best way I can describe what happened inside of me was that it tore down the wall of deception that I had placed between myself and God, as well as the people surrounding me…

Just recently I started dating an incredible man of God. Which, in itself is a blessing and a story for another time! As amazing as that is, I’m at a place where God is stretching me and revealing to me, even more so, the areas in which my past has held me prisoner. It’s hard when the state of your heart is revealed, you know? The bruises, the scars, the wounds…everything comes to light and you have the choice to either run because it’s too hard, shut down or embark on the journey of healing hand in hand with someone.

For me, I picture it as if I’m standing on a ledge and my soul is thirsting to dive into the depths of the unknown… the unknown of God’s love. It’s like He is asking me to trust… trust that this will not be my demise but even in the discomfort of letting someone in, God is revealing to me a greater depth of His love for me, you know, the overwhelming, never-ending reckless love of God? With that He’s also bringing to light how in a lot of ways this is a reflection of how I am with Him: At times withdrawn emotionally, fearful of letting Him in and allowing past experiences to dictate what my happiness looks like.

Like the song says:

There’s no shadow You won’t light up
Mountain You won’t climb up
Coming after me
There’s no wall You won’t kick down
No lie You won’t tear down
Coming after me

So as I release my control to the one who breathed the breath of life into my bones I choose the journey. I choose to face the past that has impacted the way I view people and love.  The past that said I am not worth being loved, appreciated or accepted. I choose to challenge the fears that have once held me prisoner, not by being fearless but by being courageous.

My prayer for you Beloved is that you would relinquish control and allow God to be God in your life. I pray that He continues to tear down every lie, kick down every wall, climb up every mountain in the pursuit of your heart… I pray that God instills in you the courage to face and challenge your greatest fears and that you will no longer be held captive by the things of old. I speak freedom and life over you. I break depression off of your life in Jesus’ name and speak purpose and identity over you. Lastly, I pray that you become a man/woman after God’s heart.  

Stay blessed Beloved Ones!