When presented with rejection and feelings of inadequacy many rise up and use that as motivation to be the very thing they were told they couldn’t be. Me? I hid and believed the lies that rejection spoon fed me, feeling and believing that I was nothing but unworthy.
I didn’t realize how this specific shortcoming of mine impacted my pursuit of God’s heart as well as the ability to walk in His purpose for my life. Which also includes how hard I work for my employers, how much I give in relationships and how much I give of myself in ministry, whether for an organisation or my own personal ministry (my blog etc).
To be honest, as dramatic as this may seem I felt like I was sinking. I felt as if I was never able to succeed because my life mostly consisted of me living in survival mode. I had to survive the sexual abuse, the dysfunctional relationships, self-hatred, losing loved ones and my father not being physically present in my home. I had to survive my mother’s divorce and stay strong for my younger siblings because my Mother was working her hardest to ensure that we never lacked and be as emotionally present as possible because she too was walking through difficulties. My life consisted of me fighting through battles, back to back, to the point where emotionally I could not gather the strength to press into the things I was supposed to like school, work, relationships etc.
The most surprising part of it all to me was that up until a few weeks ago I was still carrying the baggage of the past traumas I experienced. The survival mindset became so ingrained in m being that I was completely oblivious to the fact that I was holding on to that still. It took an encounter with the Father’s heart of God for me to really see that I was not a slave to rejection nor was I a slave to the feeling of inadequacy.
Jesus says that I am not just valuable, but that I am worth dying for, even when others don’t see it that way.
My breakthrough situation was a bit unorthodox. I walked in on someone very close to me passing negative remarks about me. Which obviously sucked. I remember I got into the car with my boyfriend. He picked me up because we were asked to sing at my church’s New Years Eve service. I shared what happened then completely checked out. I sat unusually quiet, face reflecting my frustration and hurt. Forcing myself to believe I was okay whenever he asked. I walked into church and until the second person asked me if I was okay, I really didn’t grasp the fact that my heart was spilling over. To be honest, I felt numb. So, I made up my mind before setting foot on the stage that I was going to address my heart. My boyfriend and I took a walk and began to comb through the situation bit by bit with Jesus. As we did, I started to pour out the deeper side to the rejection I was really feeling, that the root went back to the things that were previously expressed in the post and more. As we combed through the pain of my heart, he began to pour truth and identity into me. The truth of what God says about me and who God says I am… Revealing the Father’s heart for me in a powerful way. Articulating the truth that stated I was not alone, and in a lot more words expressed that God was the one to fight my battles for me. That I was to release it all to Him and that I don’t have to live in a place of survival mode constantly; Isolating myself from people and feeling as if I was a burden because I am not; I am not a nomad and that truly was not my portion. As you would imagine, I was a complete wreck lol.
Before we sang, I shared with the congregation the difficulties of I faced in 2017; my struggle with depression and rejection, but God was and will always be my deliverer. It’s funny because the songs God gave us before hand were quite fitting. Songs that gave me the ability to overcome the mountain of rejection that I was facing: (Abba – Jonathan David & Reckless love – Bethel)
“ROMANS 8:28 (AMP) And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose.”
If we let God, He is able to use any situation for good. Pay attention to the wording “if we let him”. Bring your problems to God, the big ones and the small ones. He cares about the things that concern you.
God please reveal to this reader, how the past experiences has influenced the way they walk out their day to day life. Expose them to love in a greater way. Unveil their eyes to see the many weeds that have grown over time as a result of the negative seeds that were planted in their lives and give them the courage to uproot them. I thank you God that your word says that when You oh God, have started a good work in someone you will see it through to completion. Thank you God for your everlasting love. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Philippians 1:6 (AMPC)
And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ [right up to the time of His return], developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you.