There was a situation recently that triggered a deep level of rejection in me. For a time after, I found myself rolling down the familiarly annoying road of rejection.
Feel rejected → Naval gazing: forcing myself to remember every mistake I’ve made since birth → Feeling unworthy: Shaming myself for the things I’ve done wrong → *ugly cries for 10 mins or a day or 2* → Anger: Relive the times this person rejected me → Bun dem, I don’t need this (for my non-Caribbean readers. Translation: Forget them, I don’t need this.): Miss independent pep talk → Throwing the baby out with the bathwater: Living out of suspicion and choosing pride. Rejecting every human being that comes to mind and sight.
Fact is, I have a million and one reasons to not trust and a million and one reasons to choose to believe that I am unworthy of true acceptance. And to be frank, sometimes choosing rejection feels a lot more comfortable for me than choosing vulnerability. The harsh reality of rejection is that it is extremely lonely and leads us to never truly feeling safe in relationships, including the one with God and ourselves. However, the absolute truth is that regardless of what I have been through, my identity isn’t rooted in whether I am accepted or rejected by others. I have confidence in knowing that rejection doesn’t have to be the driver of my life. Though difficult at times, I have the ability to choose a more fulfilling life.
After allowing the Holy Spirit to show me how toxic my pattern of thinking was, I recognized that this has always had a negative impact on my mental health. It was essential for me to choose a new pattern of thinking, so I asked the Holy Spirit for keys to move through it.
He gave me these keys:
- Acknowledge my pain.
- Invite the Holy Spirit into the moment.
- Take a moment and process if there is underlying pain. (I usually do so by asking the Holy Spirit to show me and journal any memories or thoughts that come up. If that doesn’t work, I wait until my counseling session or process with someone I trust.)
- Grieve the memory & release self-compassion.
- Ask God to replace the root of rejection with His truth about the situation.
- Read verses to replace the lies of rejection. (Psalm 27:10, Psalms 23:1-6, 2 Corinthians 4:8-9)
- Journal everything, chances are until I can re-wire my brain to have new neural pathways, I will be back down this road again. Having something to come back to is always helpful!
My prayer for you, Beloved, is that you would invite the Holy Spirit into your process. and that you would allow God to re-write the lies that the enemy has planted in your life. I pray that you find freedom in the hope that God has to offer you. Know that you are seen, known and loved by Him.
“God wasn’t angry that I had experienced pain—He was grieving with me; He was loving me, even before I could love myself.” – Aundi Kolber